My everything, forever and always.

xoxo, N

Mini's Update - 3 Months

ALREADY?!

I've been thinking of documenting her monthly milestones here but the first two months of her life were the busiest time for me so I really cant focus on anything else but my baby & my baby alone.

Also not to mention I was feeling at my worst and I really don't feel like talking about how shitty motherhood has been for me. But I'm happy to say that the dark clouds over my head have passed and gone are those gloomy days! I’m much happier now and I mean it when I say I love being a mom.

So what’s up for baby and mama lately?

For baby

i) Loves company 

This one, she definitely did'nt get if from her anti-social mother. Or her dad lol. She could start seeing by 2 month old and now she absolutely love it when she sees people in front of her, especially when they start to talk to her and then she'll start blabbering back. She even "talk' to her own reflection, too cute! 

I wonder if she knows that it's her she's seeing in the mirror lol

ii) Standing up

Sofia started lifting her head when she was a month + old and few days after she turned two, we realised she has really strong legs so we started to carry and let her stand up as much as possible. Regret it now cos we realised she loved it so much she would cry when we put her down -.-

iii) Sleep regression

Imagine 12 hrs of no naps in between for a 13 week baby. How is that even possible that she’s not sleepy at all, I really got no clue. Mak dia yang 24/7 sleepy.

iv) Drool baby

Ain’t complaining about this one cos I've been waiting to put on all her cutesy bibs!

v) Travel!

We brought her to JB as soon as she got her passport and two weeks later, she had her first flight experience. Not sure how she felt about it, but it sure was the most stressful and longest (or so it seems to me.....)  one Danna and I have ever experienced. More on the trip on next post!

For mama

i) Going out with baby

This is something I am still learning (and very much afraid) to do! So far , the number of times I've been out with her and just me is a grand total of...two. lol

Not only was this  the first time I brought her out on my own, it was also my first time putting on the Tula. Look at that humongous bag I have with me with 1001 things in it! The second time I was a little bit more daring, went out with a stroller with no diaper bag.

Both times I was just out to the nearest mall, which is less than ten mins away. :p

ii) Supermom ME

I've been taking care of baby (and myself) most of the time on my own since my pantang days and I must say it was kind of overwhelming at  first. Motherhood has changed my life in so many different ways, but most of all, it has changed me. Some part ugly but a better person, definitely. Like how I discovered I actually can love a baby (my close friends know how much I don't like being around babies....) and I actually DO have patience in me! Oh and also I've gotten better at multitasking. Once, I have baby on one hand while cooking my lunch and at the same time, talking on the phone. 

Two more weeks and supermom's gonna go to the next level. Time to go back to work yooo!

xoxo, N

Zara Sofia's Cukur Rambut

The first thing people notice about Sofia is how thick her hair is. & I've always loved it that way!

So when danna said he wanna shave off her entire hair,  of cos I was a teenie bit hesitant! So sad to think we're cutting her locks that grew inside of me. Plus, I don't think she looks good botak, lol.

A day after she turned two months old, we had Ustaz Khairi and his wife over at our house to do the cukur rambut as well as taknik. It was a private ceremony attended by only our family members and my dear neighbor who we are so lucky to have, and treats Sofia just like her own grand-daughter.

Happy baby totally clueless what's going to happen next.

Baby just turned three months yesterday and has grown so much! She looks super tiny here!

Ustaz recited the azan in her ears. It was such a beautiful moment and I was holding back his tears all the time :')

My poor baby's like.. Whatchu adults doing to me! T_T

 T_T

Right after that, we proceed downstairs to the MPH. We kindda learned our lesson from our Hari Raya open house that our house is not as spacious as we would like to think it is, so we decided to have the makan-makan session at the MPH.

Our pretty in purple mini dias. Guess who we engaged to beautify the space?

Chic Wedding!!!

If you've read my wedding entries, this is not the first time you see me mentioning them. Yup, they did the deco for my big fat wedding and I love them sooooooo much that Danna and I didn't even have to think twice about engaging their service once again for our baby's shower.

Anyways I was told they have clients who signed up with them after reading my blog.
Great choice, you guys!

Pengantin basi feeling kejap.

I miss your hair already boo! & yes, I suka pakaikan her pants tinggi-tinggi lol

& now, there's three. To many more precious memories and milestones together baby ♥

Signing off this post with a before and after picture of my now botak and bulat daughter.

Same pose, different hair hehe. Can't wait for it to grow!!

xoxo, N

365 Days Since...

 

Found myself reading all my wedding related posts on this blog this morning and I must say I miss all about it. A bit hard to believe one year passed just like that and so many things have changed since then. I have nothing much to say here other than I love this man so dearly much! Thank you for taking good care of me and our daughter, and thank you for the surprise flight tickets this morning! Looking forward to new adventures with you :)

xoxo, N

Being a First Time Mom

"How's your baby?"

My frequently-asked-question nowadays. Gone are the days when people are more interested in asking about me, tsk.

"Baby's okay, mother je tak okay"

Yup, I kid you not. I wasn't okay.

I can't quite put it in words, this roller coaster of emotions called motherhood. If I were to be completely honest about what I feel, I'm pretty sure I'll be judged as an ungrateful brat. All I can say is I am well aware that this is not going to be easy, but I didn't know it's going to be this hard either. 

The first few weeks were the hardest. I spent my days without the danna at my mom's place while she took care of my pantang. All I can remember about my stay there is me crying so much day and night cos #1. Handling a newborn is no easy feat and without danna around it fees like I'm handling our child on my own #2. I miss danna A LOT. And of cos #3. Crazy hormones.

Some days passed like a breeze, some nights seem longer but almost everyday feels like a never ending nightmare for me. Hearing my baby's cries around the clock turned me into a quick-tempered, helpless mom-ster. I've lost count the number of times I screamed at her telling her to shut up. Or the number of times I was on the verge of hurting her physically out of anger.

I wasn’t happy or joyful. Most of the time, I was feeling sad. Sad to say goodbye to my freedom. Sad to think that I'm stuck with this life forever. Sad when I look at my own daughter and I don't feel love.

That's when I realised I was falling deep into this dark hole known as postpartum depression. :x

And as if I wasn't feeling miserable enough, I suffered an allergy reaction to the param I have been applying all over my hands and legs. The itch started from my feet, and made its way up to my entire leg and eventually tummy, leaving really ugly scars behind. I cried so much during this period cos I was in terrible pain and I couldn't feed my baby in peace. Thankfully, it was over after a short and sweet yet very expensive visit to a dermatologist.

Then just as I thought my nightmare is over, I had high fever  the day after the itchiness went away. Turns out I had the dreaded mastitis :( Called my makcik urut to help massage my right boobs for me and I swear that was 1000x more painful than my labour experience. I was crying so bad even the danna looked like he was terrified of me screaming in pain. What's worst is that the massage didn't help a single bit. My milk supply went terribly down I had no choice but to feed FM to my baby urgh

Long story short, I managed to snap out it after talking about it to my best friends and danna. The former, I can't be more thankful for the fact that we are all going through this phase together so no one understands what I'm feeling as a new mom more than they do. The latter, we recently talked things out and gosh, I love him so much. Suffice to say I'm grateful to have him as my husband. 

I came back to school few days back to settle some stuff and talked to a few of my colleagues about my worries.  It certainly helped a lot knowing they've been trapped inside the same hole before and that gave me hopes that things will get better.

It did. Slowly. 

 This picture was taken when my baby was two weeks old...

& this is her today at two months old. Such a cutie, don't chu think? :p

One of the things I always remind myself when things get out of hand is that my baby won't stay this little forever so I need to learn to take things slow and enjoy every single moment with her while I still can. My dear Sofia, it may be a rocky start for the two of us but we gotta stick together, alright? ♥

xoxo, N

My Labour Story

So it's been 8 weeks since I gave birth (half of maternity leave gone T_T) and I think it's time to start writing down my labour story before my baby turns 8 years old and my memory fails on me. Even though I doubt I will even forget all about it. Before I start I gotta tell you, this is gna be one long post!

10 September 2017

Sunday

I've been experiencing minor cramps since the day before and told the danna I think it's already time. He thought that maybe I should wait a while more, subtly reminding me of our many wasted and expen$ive visits to the Delivery Suite before. But I insisted cos even walking seems painful already!

So that morning Danna picked me up from my mom's place and off we went to KKH. I was still in a good mood, all that's in my head is that I'm going to see my baby soon! All smiles and I kept thinking, I'm gonna leave this place without my baby bump! & hopefully like 10kg off me as well.

I saw a couple walking in with their luggage and all I had was that small bag lol

I was brought to the observation room, leaving the danna behind at the waiting area. It was very quiet since I was the only person there. Once the nurse got everything settled, I was left alone so I thought maybe I should get some sleep. Cos you know, gotta treasure all the sleep I could get before baby arrives right. As I was halfway going to lalaland, I heard a faint cry from the cubicle next to me.

Weird, I clearly remember being the only person in the room so I texted danna if he saw anyone entering the observation room. He said no. Shortly after, I heard what seems like a guy crying, which is also weird cos husbands are not allowed to enter the room. I texted the danna again, even send voice notes to my friends cos I was being kaypoh, and scared also lah.

Next thing I know, someone was making a phone call with the loudspeaker on.

"Mak, baby dah tak ade heartbeat..."

Week 37 - 39 : The Final Countdown

Week 37 - 38

18 August - 31 August

We are starting to see my gynae on a weekly basis now! Baby is healthy and weighs 2.5kg this week, thank God cos I was so worried sick about having a heavy baby due to my gestational diabetes. We settled the pre admission stuff and it didn't take much for me to decide on the package I want. A two nights stay at a A1 room - no way am I gonna share the bathroom and deal with noisy visitors from my neighbours pls. Click here to see a virtual tour of the room.

Nothing exciting happened the following week except for the fact that it's the last week of term 3! My last day of work for this year falls on the last day of the term which happens to be Teachers' Day. The theme for my table was Famous Female Explorers and I decided to dress up as (a heavily pregnant) Amelia Earhart. Didn't take tons of pictures like I always do cos I totally hate my huge, swollen nose.

Oh and baby's 2.8kg this week!

Week 35 : Caught On Camera!

Week 35

4 August - 10 August

Ever since I got pregnant I knew I wanted to have my weekly progress documented in pictures, and lucky for me my fav photographer happens to be my husband! :p Can't post the pics here cos I'm not wearing hijab but I just got the time to make a collage of the pictures and it sure made me emotional.

Other than that, I've been hinting the danna about having a photo shoot before I pop and him being him, he said no -_- So when he surprised me with one of cos I was over the moon! 

Pictures beautifully captured by Sharmee! Click here to view more of her lovely works.

*****

The BFFs and I had a staycation at ONE°15 Marina and we also had a photo shoot with the help of Lysa's cousin.

It's been 13 years, really?!?!

Remember in this post I wondered if I had sprinkled baby dusts to the people around me?

Well, I secretly think I was right :p

xoxo, N

Week 32 - 34 : Sweetest Hello & Hardest Goodbye

Some weekly highlights of my third trimester! I've decided to skip my first few weeks cos they're mostly about the pains I'm experiencing and my (wasted) trips to KKH's delivery suite cos the voice at the back of my head keeps telling me I'm giving birth at the littlest pain. Such a noob I am, now that I were to think of it. Cos those 'pains' are nothing compared to the real contractions. NOTHINGGGGGG! T_T

Week 32 

14 July - 20 July 

Remember my aunt I was talking about in this post?

Yup, that's us! She's having my cousin and I'm having her cucu :D

So on the very day I turned 32 weeks, my baby cousin decided to surprise everyone and say hello to the world seven weeks ahead of her EDD. The news got me sooOOOooOoOO nervous cos everyone's telling me - "You're next!" and just hearing that gives me the heebie-jeebie!

Why hello there my darling Ayra Safya!

Also during this week, I had to attend a full day course at KKH, basically learning all about controlling my diet and checking my blood sugar. Cos I had gestational diabetes, remember? There's a dietician who helped plan my diet for me and lots of videos we were asked to watch. I'll probably share more about what I've learned there in a separate post. Oh btw, do you know how freaking expensive this course is? S$500+ !! Okay lah you can deduct a few hundreds from Medisave but still! T_T

Week 33

21 July - 27 July

It's getting harder and harder to walk around no thanks to...

My swollen feet -_-

On the 26th July, I took time off from work because I was experiencing yet another episode of bad cramps. And just like my previous visits, it was yet another false alarm and a total waste of money.

Almost $300 just for half an hour observation! But of course, in my defense, I'm a FTM so how am I supposed to tell the difference between braxton hicks, real contractions and other random cramps, right?

Week 34 

28 July - 3 August

This week was probably the hardest throughout my entire pregnancy period. I'll never forget the date - 2 August 2017. I received a phone call from my brother at two in the morning and deep inside my heart I knew bad news is waiting for me at the other line. I answered, and I heard my brother crying. My heart sank as I was informed that my dearest grandfather had a fall and that the paramedics couldn't detect his heartbeat on the way to the hospital.

My family had to make the hardest decision of our lives - to unplug his life support.

I've never cried so hard in my life as I did that day. My tears kept flowing during the entire ride to the hospital, I wailed when I said my last goodbye to him at the A&E, so much so I almost went out of breath and felt like blacking out. I was the only person who cried throughout the entire burial process. 

It was my first time experiencing the death of someone very close to me so I really had a hard time handling my emotions, even till now more than two months later. I can go on and on talking about how a great man he is and how different my life is now, but as I am typing all this the table is filled with my tears already so I better stop before I flood my entire house....

xoxo, N

The Second Trimester

Week 14 - Week 19

The dreadful backaches welcomed me as I entered my 14th week. But sleeping with my back flat on the bed is not the only challenge for weeks to come. My teenage dream of having a bigger bust have come true (lolol) but I'm not sure now if I'm liking it anymore cos they're soooo sore. boohoos.

The day baby turned 19th week, I flew to KL with my cousins! Blogged about it here.

I finally broke the news to my cousins and was pleasantly surprised to know that one of them is pregnant too & her EDD is just two weeks after mine. So glad to know so many people who are in this together with me! I also found out that three of my colleagues are pregnant too, and their EDD are just weeks after me! Got me wondering if I've accidentally sprinkled some baby dust around me? :p

Oh oh and I experienced my first ever baby kick on my second day in KL! Well actually I had that feeling once when I was at work but I wasn't too sure if whatever I was feeling back then were baby's kicks or God-knows-what-else-in-my-tummy-kicks. But that night I really saw with my own eyes the movements on my tummy and for a moment I just froze, not knowing how to react. hehehe. 

Week 20

Yay to my mid pregnancy!!!!!

Nothing new happened this week except for more swollen feet. One night, I had a really bad cramp and I honestly thought they were contractions or Braxton hicks(well in my head any pain is contractions as if I know how they feel!) and I was crying out loud in pain. What makes it even more painful was seeing my danna sleeping peacefully next to me -_- About thirty minutes or so I rushed to the toilet cos I had this super strong urge to do my big business. Turns out, it was just diarrhea attack. T_T

Another highlight of my 20th week (April the 26th to be exact:p ) I had my much anticipated detailed scan. I have been getting dreams of having a baby girl but Danna still believes it's the other way round. As the doctor was checking for baby's body parts, she asked if we want to know the gender and Danna immediately said yes. I was hesitant at first, part of me somehow wants to keep it a secret lol.

We were asked to guess based on what we see on the screen. I was pretty sure I saw a penis so I said a boy. On the other hand, danna insisted the opposite. Obviously, we all know now that my firstborn is a daughter. Honestly I was a lil worried about danna knowing how much he wanted a son but when the doctor said we've got a healthy baby, seriously nothing else matters already.

The First Trimester

Fortunately for me, my first trimester was nothing but easy breezy. Yup I am one of the few lucky mummies who don't have to go through the morning sickness at all. Thank you for making my life so much easier baby! Here are some weekly highlights for my first three months of pregnancy.

Week 5- Week 9

Right after informing Danna about the good news, the next person I texted was my mom's lil sister. I didn't want to tell my family first because I prefer doing that face-to-face, plus I was pretty clueless on what I'm supposed to do next. Since my aunt had just given birth last year and she's also like my second mom to me, that explains why I decided that she should be the first to know about it.

The conversation goes like this.....

LOL. 

19 January 2017 - exactly two months after our wedding. It was an extra special day for us cos we met the gynae and and of cos Blue (the name my bffs and I came up with, also a clear indication of the preferred gender for our firstborn lol). Upon seeing the baby on the screen, I just teared like crazy! It's just surreal to think that I have a human being growing inside me! Not sure if it was too early to blame the pregnancy hormones but I was totally overwhelmed with emotions and I when I looked at danna, it was clear he was trying very hard to keep his cool. 

Too bad we weren't allowed to take any pictures or video inside the room.

HELLO MY ALIEN LOOKING CHILD!

Week 7 is hell week cos I was having constant migraine all day round. I met the doctor on a Sunday and went on medical leave the next day. Then I was supposed to be on a two-day course but I only managed to survive day 1! Headed straight to KKH after the course and cried all the way in the cab omg so drama mama. Cried even harder in the A&E cos I was told my temperature was very high. Worst, I was all alone and I just want to go back home. Lysa arrived shortly before the danna and they accompanied me for dinner. Slightly later, Ira arrived to surprise me and just make me feel better. Blessed to have such sweet friends around me!

Week 8-9 turned me into a monster. My hunger pangs start to hit me like crazy every two hours and my tummy's grumbling ALL THE TIME. It's like baby's saying feed me NOW mama! But I'm thankful for my huge appetite, my pregnant aunt couldn't even drink a glass of water without throwing it all out. Oh ya it's also this period of time that I decided to cut my long hair short. New hair new me gitewwww. :p

Week 10- Week 14

Week 10 - met my baby!!!

I turned a year older on my 13th week and the danna bought me an AngelSounds fetal doppler!

I turned obsessed, I tell you. There's not a single day that passed without me listening to the beats coming from the doppler. & each time I do so it's a mixed feel of exciting and reassuring, reminding me of the life I am growing inside of me. Those were the days I tell myself I can't wait to hold this child of mine in my arms, and till now I still can't believe she's already here, safely with me. ♥

xoxo, N

Expecting the Unexpected

It's the 8th of January 2017 as I am typing this. Exactly this day last week, I found out I was pregnant.

I don't wish to share this piece of news to the world just yet, but at the same time I worry I might forget the littlest details if I were to blog about this at a later date, so here I am pouring it all out and saving everything to be published in the future. 

Okay where was I... oh yes, I AM PREGNANT! 

New Mummy In The House

On this very date just three years ago, I don't even know about the danna's existence. Today we're married, living in our own house and now, he's the father of my child. 

I love the both of you so so much.

xoxo, N

South Island, NZ - In A Nutshell

I realised I don't have many pictures for the rest of my honeymoon trip so I've decided not to blog about the rest of my days in NZ and this shall be the last entry for my honeymoon series! Hope you guys have enjoyed reading all about it as much as I do writing about them. (You can find all my NZ entries here.) I was telling my colleagues how much I miss NZ last night and I'm thankful I have this blog to come back to, to read back about my adventures and sorta relive all the precious moments. ♥

Oh & of cos, not forgetting this video! I think I did a good job in putting them all together. :p 

Gonna blog about something I've been waiting for months to share here. Nine months to be exact.

xoxo, N

Two Days in Queenstown

Yay to the final part of our honeymoon - the real one, you know, after all the crazy adventures we had. You might want to read all about them here. Here's the timeline of the places we visited after Fiq left. I'm gonna skip Moeraki cos we didn't do much there and share all about Queenstown.

***

It was a super long drive from Moeraki to Queenstown and of cos Little Miss Sleepyhead had her eyes shut 99% of the time. We had a few stops for Danna to rest and for me to snap some pretty pictures.

Four hours later, why hello there Queenstown!

The first thing that makes this place stood out from all the places we've been to in NZ is there are people everywhere! Not sure if we enjoyed it cos we've been having that this-world-feels-like-ours-kindda-feeling for the past few days~

lol

Adventures in Mt Cook

Day 8 on the itinerary: We bid goodbye to Lake Tekapo and move up to Mount Cook.

Last few shots with this magnificent view. Honestly, we were really reluctant to leave this place...

I mean how can we not, just look at this?!?! Who wouldn't want to wake up to this view?

woohoo noob me taking pictures of these professional photographers :p

Off to Mount Cook we go! As always the view around us makes the long journey more worthwhile.

Of cos who can resist NOT taking a picture (or two, or maybe like fifty? haha) with a view like this!