10 F* up Trends in Malay Wedding

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

This morning I came across this blog post shared by a friend on Facebook, which I thought was a pretty good read plus I agree to a certain extent to some of the points so shall share a bit of my thoughts about it!

Here, I am sharing only four out of the ten things originally mentioned (HERE) and my comment to each of them is written below.

I am sure, like for  f sure, some people cringe at my posts in facebook or even twitter. F it. I find it exciting at the rate of  transformation to the malay cultures  (I have no locus standi to say about other cultures non?) especially post Pinterest, Oncewed, Tumblr, Etsy (hereafter shall be refereed as POTE syndrome) . Major transformation can be seen in marriage customs i.e basic requirements to a proper wedding ala hipster. To make my life easier and your reading more enjoyable, let me put my observations in tabulated form, I shall call it 10 fucked-up trends in modern malay weddings.

Bachelorette party/Bridal shower – malay men for some good reason are not affected with POTE syndrome, its more to meleis ladies.  Apparently once must celebrate pre f-halal-way before a wedding, the rich kids would throw  it at  Flora Terrace, Sekeping or the tres chic once would have it in Harrods KLCC, superficially sipping dajeeling tea while savouring scones and biscuits (whilst calculating the bills that about to be divided amongst themselves) . Don’t forget make it a theme party, pay RM 500 (go dutch) and make it a party ala Chanel. Black & White, CC symbol printed on A3 papers as table mats, get free samples vials, products, condoms throw it in a chanel like paper bag, and  called it survival kit for brides. The climax of the party, Novelty Cake katanya, selections of black, Asian, arab, Caucasian penises erected as a centerpiece.  Snap a photo, Instagram it,  caption, Wild night for ladies! Sad she is getting married in 2 weeks time! tag : #(hername)gothitched #sistersforlife.

// Since I have my two other bffs who have jumped into the wedding bandwagon with me , (one is just a month after mine*squeee*), I honestly am not expecting any bachelorette party. Cos that would be awkward isn't it, throwing a surprise bridal shower for me when they are also getting married around the the same time? Maybe a picnic or a sleepover would be nice, without any fancy celebration and uhm, the penises cakes too.

Talking about wild night, I bet nothing can be any wilder that the nights (or rather early mornings) we used to have when we were younger. :p

 Bridemaids & bestmen – First of all, no malay wedding requires 14 oompaloompa sitting next to the brides or grooms at any time. Well even if you must do it, make it tasteful, to drop the idea.  (p/s at least if you want to oompaloompa-ed your bestfriends, please pay for the clothes, people have commitments too, not just to POTE weddings.

// One of my bff was a bridesmaid to another friend of mine and all she did was to follow the bride around. Poor thing! Don't worry girls I already have a duty list for you on my wedding, teehee.

Candybar & Guestbook – It looks awesome, if you have a barn theme wedding, and you have a controled amount of crowd, if your wedding is as per point (4), congrats mate, you are just stupid, especially if your candies are selection of candies from Giant, the RM1.00 per packet ones. Pack it in doorgift bag. As to  the guestbook, I once attended a wedding where they had this table before the entrance door and all guests must write something, and imagine the Pak Cik and Mak Cik from Meru with WTF-look not knowing what to write in the book, ended up writting bismillah, and sign.

// Gotta agree on the guestbook. I'll be more than happy to just see pictures of my guests online but to keep hard copies pasted on a book, I'd rather not. What am I going to do with that guestbook after the wedding anyway?  99.9% chances of it ending up inside a box tucked away at a dark corner of the house, collecting dust till the next time I flip it open, probably when I am old and grey and feeling nostalgic. Also, am I right to say that most of the wishes written on the book are the same?

I remember reading only one wish that  is different from the rest :

"Good luck living with your monsters in law" LOL tak baik!

Photobooth – This is the best. Apparently it’s a must, to make your wedding more modern and chic to have a photobooth. It look even more ridiculous when your reception is not in Dewan Felda, but small dewan, like Dewan Section  19 Shah Alam. No proper lighting, must be a atrocious view. Don’t forget the hand sign “I’m next” “Hitched” “Fucked” “I’m gay” "Virgin mary" "Kak Odah dara" .  A big signage at the entrance "sudi tag kami di #TukiminWedsEton" ridiculous.

// Yay I'm not the only one who thinks photo booth at a wedding is absolutely not necessary, just like the previous point. I've seen some albums uploaded by vendors online and it's obvious that the guests are so tak gerek and didn't utilise the photo booth, so you can see the same group of people in 2893678 shots.

Even if I were to have one, my guests can keep the copy for themselves. Recently at my cousin's wedding, she did just that. Best of all, the vendor printed for everyone and it's free!! Unlike some ridiculous vendors which charge $2 for an extra copy. Daylight robbery or whut? Puas hati you take pictures using your phone.


Anyway let me make this clear. In no way am I intending to offend anyone here. These are just my personal opinion alright, the things I'd rather not have during my wedding. Of cos if you're planning to have them all, no one's judging! Not for me, at least. Whatever rocks your boat. I also have ton of other things in mind which I am going to leave out or do differently for my wedding but I'll share it in another update!



  1. OMG!!! im laughing with tears. kelakar nak mampos okay the blogger!!! well, some of them are quite true!!

  2. Kelaka kannnn.. I was laughing all by myself in the bus to work sei.


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